Singing Butler Hits Sour Note

This Art World observation comes to you from neither an art historian nor an art lover but, rather, a mother. The intolerant kind of mother who has had massive experience dealing with bickering children.

Everybody writing about Jack Vettriano being a copy-cat, Jack and Jack's People hit the "Time Out" bench. You - Finger-pointers! Stop whining that Jack used a book to learn how to paint. Quit complaining that his paintings look like the book's pictures. Of course they do. It was an illustrator's reference manual. He changed things a little, people - besides you - liked the results and he made pots of money. Seems to me that's your problem. Settle down right now and, when we're good and done here, go put your big Art Snob hobby horse back in the corner where it belongs; I'm tired of tripping over it every five minutes.

And you, Jack. You're a famous artist; it doesn't matter if you used the blasted book to get there. 99% of the people in the world don't care if you used a book or not, so don't react to the taunts of a few. And I don't know whether it was you or your People - stop squirming, People! - who got the brilliant idea to threaten another painter with legal action last year for copying your work, but don't you feel a bit ashamed of that this week? No, wrong - you are, too, responsible; it was done in your name. Not the best way to play with others, is it?

Alright, what have we learned here? You all discuss this - calmly - resolve your differences and make nice before you get to move an inch off that bench. I want to hear from you when all is righted, and only then. One raised voice, and I'll be back here like a shot to talk to you some more. Yes. Yes, indeed, I will. You already know I will. I could talk about this for hours and hours while you sit there - and I know nobody wants that.